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A macho magician named
I find that I'm
rolling in mirth
Used to hide many things up his sleeve.
He once took a chance,
Hid a rat in his pants -
Now he sounds like his wife Genevieve.
An abusive magician named
Used to stick a fake knife in his head.
His wife, on a whim
Gave a steak knife to him,
And his widow looks lovely in red.
A sorcerer high on a hill
Said, "My tub with water I'll fill."
But he sent this dumb mouse
That he found 'round the house
Then said, "That damned Disney I'll kill!"
A magician's assistant
Said her boss with his hands was too free.
She replaced in his hat
One rabbit with rat
With less fingers he now lets her be.
A sorcerer over the hill
Said "My dreams I now will fulfill."
He then cast a spell
On his trainee named Nell
But yawned when his wand just lied still.
A hungry old gypsy named
Had a client who just wouldn't pay.
She cast him a spell,
He started to jell,
And went well with bananas that day.
A horny old gypsy named
Had a stud for a client one day.
She said, "Look in my eyes..."
Then did hypnotize.
That boy's still her toy to this day
A nasty old witch named
Decided some children to steal.
But their video games
Blew her brain into flames.
Now she can't keep her broomstick on keel.
A nearsighted witch full
Flew into a high tension line.
The birds were surprised
When she just vaporized.
But the birdies are now feeling fine.
(And flying a little higher.)
This nymph, who would one
day be queen
Had kissed every frog she had seen.
She had plenty of love,
But, heavens above,
Died of old age at nineteen.
To the fairest of fair
Staying virginal was her great fear.
This frog in the mud,
When kissed, turned to stud,
Sighing, "My dear - would Boy George be near?"
To think there might be on this earth
A word that is worth
My rhyming with birth
Except maybe pregnancy's girth.
young housewife named Spring
Would clean out her house every spring.
While clearing the house,
She'd toss out her spouse
And look for a guy with more spring.
My limericks were written in haste.
You say they were done in bad taste?
If a limerick's too nice
And lacking in spice,
Then reading it's really a waste.
The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex
Here's some more.. Some I wrote and some I
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat
thginK fo namow gnuoy a saw erehT
,thgir eht ot tfel eht morf etirw dluow ohW
rorrim a ni dekool ehs liT'
.rorre reh derevocsid dnA
!thgir eht morf tfel eht ot setirw ehs woN
There once was a man from Madrass
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass! :)
Once in the rain I saw a man,
Strolling with an umbrella in hand.
When I said it was insane
To walk in the rain,
He said " Well then, I'll just stand".
There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin
There one was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,
he awoke with a fright,
in the middle of the night,
and found that his dream had come true!
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom
There once was a technician named Lil.
That took a chance on a Nuclear Pill.
They found her vagina,
in South Carolina,
and her boobs in a tree in Brazil!
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said Sex is one thing I do know
Women are fine
And sheep are divine
But llamas are numero uno!
There once was a man named Eugeene,
Who built a masturbation machine,
The damned thing broke
On the 14th stroke,
And whipped his balls to a cream.
There once was a man who was not very
he used his penis instead of his mind,
one day he bent over,
and his dog took over,
a gave him a bone from behind.
There once was a girl from Decator
who was laid by a big alligator
the results of that screw
'cuz after he laid her, he ate her.
There once was a man from Racine,
Who invented a fucking machine,
concave and convex,
it fucked either sex
and jerked off itself in between
There was a young girl from Balmoral
whose habits were highly immoral.
For the price of a dime
she took three at a time,
one fore, one aft, and one oral.
The 80-year-old accused of rape was called
And the judge said, "Sir, you'll have to be tried in court."
But the jury was sympathetic,
Because Mort was sick, old, and pathetic,
And the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
A gentle old lady I knew
Was dozing one day in her pew;
When the preacher yelled "Sin!"
She said," Count me in!
As soon as the service is through!"
There was a young lady from Cheshire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire
She said," It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
There was a young sailor named Fred.
He once took a mermaid to bed.
He said, to be blunt,
"I can't find your c*nt,
so why don't you blow me, instead!"
There once was a fair young lass
Her body was made out of glass
From there you could note
What went on in her throat
and all the way down to her ass.
Governor Willy's face got quite red
When he said, "Paula, give me some head."
He pulled down his pants,
And expected romance,
But Miss Jones sued his dumb ass instead.
There once was a lady from Niger
Who had an affair with a tiger
The result of the fuck
Was a bald headed duck
Two gnats and a circumcised spider
There once was a president named Billy,
Whose sexual prowess to me seemed quite silly,
Till he was sued,
It was us who was screwed,
By all the young girls sucking his Willie!
There once was a fart deep within,
who thought that to stay was a sin,
So he tunneled about,
till he found his way out,
as I silently sat with a grin
There was a fat turkey named Sam,
Who gobbled whenever he ran.
He came out of the bush,
Presenting his tush,
And was shot up the arse by a man