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12 or 13 Men?



Do you know what your computer does at night?

Best Position in Bed


Beware of this one!

Please be careful.  I don't know how many of you shop at  Costco, but this may be useful to know.  I have become a victim of a  clever scam while out shopping.  This happened to me and it could  happen to you. The victims are always males, so ladies, please pass this information along.

 Here's how the scam works...

        Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your  car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk.  They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.  It is impossible not to look.

 When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and  instead ask you for a ride to another store.  You agree and they get  in the back seat.  On the way, they start having sex with each other. 

 Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral  sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on  Thursday, again on Saturday, yesterday, and most likely again  tomorrow

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

"I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

Things to ponder
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!

"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

"I souport publik edekasion"

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast Shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut





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