Hell Explained (finally)

First of all is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

I could figure it out if I use Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. However, first, I need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So I need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that I can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let me look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, they say you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, I therefore can predict that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, I certainly expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, let me look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This now gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If I accept the postulate given to me by a particular friend of mine (don't want to mention her name in case she reads this) that, " it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I did sleep with her, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, the night I slept with her, she kept shouting "Oh my God."

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